I love my son very much. I try to make him feel that as much as I can. Compared to many fathers around me, I believe I say the line “I love you” to my child more often than others do. I also remind myself to show that in action. There were nights during his early years that I really will get up from bed when he asks for water to drink or if he needs to pee. There are days when I surprise Alen with unannounced dates between the two of us. One time, after a day in school, the moment he saw me, he right away asked me to buy him a stick of popsicle. I just said “No”. He took my response without any complaint. About 30 seconds to our drive back home, I asked him, “Can I treat my son to Jollibee (the Philippine version of McDonalds)?” I will not forget how his eyes flashed with joy. I really showed my son how much I love him that day.
But if a Christian father (or mother) would really want to show how much they love their child, there is no greater act of love than sharing the gospel to them. A parent does not truly love his/her child if he/she does not do something to help him/her evade punishment in Hell. In my opinion, a Christian parent is a failure if he/she is not able to lead their child to a personal relationship with Jesus. Until now, I cannot handle the idea of my son suffering in Hell. I cry with that thought. This is the reason why as early as 3 years old, I was already talking to my son about sin, Hell, and the gift of God through Jesus Christ. I have shared the gospel to my son several times using the Ten Commandments to show him how unfit he is for Heaven. I regularly observe my son if there is true change in his life as a result of a relationship with Jesus. Whenever I am convinced that change has not yet occurred in his life, I talk to him about it and make him evaluate if he is fit for Heaven or not. My prayer is that God will not let me die until all who are dear to me, with my son on top of the list, have given their lives to Jesus.I know that to truly be successful as a parent, one should do the work of a parent base on the instructions of the Scriptures. The Bible has the best parenting instructions available. It's sad that before parents consult the Bible regarding parenting, they would consult humanistic books and Oprah Winfrey first. They are more confident of man's wisdom than the wisdom of God. People couldn't see that the parenting instructions of man have again and again failed as seen by the rise in unwanted pregnancies, juvenile drug addiction, addiction to pornography, violence, disrespect to parents, etc. The Bible tells us that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps. 111:10)". "The fear of the Lord" does not mean something similar to fearing a ghost. Instead, it is a state where a person fears offending God because he/she honors and respects Him so highly. Wisdom, on the other hand, is the ability to differentiate between what’s good and what's evil. Once "the fear of the Lord" sets in, wisdom is developed which helps prevent the catastrophes mentioned in this paragraph.
When my son, Alen, does something bad, I don't say, "You just disobeyed me" or "You did something bad against Mommy". I explain to him that because it is God that gave us the rules we must all follow, it is to Him that we commit the sin (this is the reason why I have made my son memorize the 10 Commandments). As far as me and his mom getting hurt is just the result of his disobedience to God. And so, it is to God that I instruct him to apologize first. We only come in second. Ever since I learned the principle of the Way of the Master, never did I instruct my son to apologize to me or his mom first. Sin is always vertical so why should he apologize to us first, right? I believe that this is the best way to develop "the fear of the Lord" to our children--- by making them understand, it is to God they are accountable for every sin they commit.
The Bible likewise advices us "to spare not the rod of correction" if we really are to love our children (Prov. 13:24). There’s a lot of debate as to whether God is really instructing us to use physical punishment in disciplining our children. Some have argued that this verse is only emphasizing the need to discipline children but does not really suggest physical hitting of a child (on the butt) by a stick or a rod whenever they commit something wrong. I believe that the verse in question refers to literal spanking. Why should God allow such a form of disciplining? Logic tells us that pain is easier for a child (someone below 8 years old maybe) to understand than some clever reasoning to draw a point. If I spank (pain) my son right after a bad thing he has done, he can easily associate the pain with his sin, realizing that if he does it (sin) again, he can expect pain to come right away. The relationship of action and consequence is easily established. But if you totally remove spanking and instead resort to reasoning or even maybe, some other disciplinary action not involving pain, a child may decide to go through the consequence you offer for his actions because he believes he can easily take it. As a psychologist, I have observed that children nowadays could live well with the nagging of a mother or some alone time in a room than endure the pain that comes with spanking.
Spanking definitely should have a room in the discipline of children. But be reminded that this must be done with love. I spank my son whenever necessary. The way I do it is I explain first the reason why I will be spanking him. I make him realize that hurting him is also hard for me but I have to do it because I love him so much that I don't want him to grow up into someone people will stay away from because of bad behavior. I also demand my son to submit to the spanking with very little resistance from him. I do this because I want to develop in him a character that accepts the consequences of his actions. When I spank him, I make sure that it is only his buttocks that I hit. It's the safest part you can hit which will not endanger your child. After spanking him, I give him a hug and assure him again of my love. There are parents who, after spanking their child, would still spit out hurtful words to their children. This is wrong. You are not showing love anymore in this case but instead anger. Remember: never ever spank a child out of anger. Spanking should be done for the purpose of discipline and motivated by love, and not by anger. One time, I spank my son instinctively out of my anger. I realized that what I did was wrong that’s why I readily apologized to him.
Modeling is also a good way to "…train up a child in the way that he should go…(Prov. 22:6)". What way does God want us to lead our child to so that when he is old, he will not depart from it? The answer is godliness. How can we expect our children to follow God in their lives when we aren't? My wife and I try our best to be good models to our son. If we prohibit our son to not do something, we should not be doing it ourselves. For example, here in the Philippines, to celebrate the New Year, people play with firecrackers. My son during last New Year's celebration asked me to buy him some firecrackers for children. I told him that if daddy is not playing with those things, he should not be either. Putting it straight that way removes any chance for argument. Even if he sees other children playing with firecrackers, he will not anymore attempt to make a case because his old man is not doing it. The same should be applied with sins. If we want a child to live in holiness, we should live that way also.
I try to model a lot of godly things to my son. I show him the importance I give to Bible reading and earnest praying. He sees me reading my Bible regularly. He sees me on my knees in deep prayer. I lead our family devotions and ask him to memorize verses from the Bible. I show my son the importance I give to church attendance by making sure myself that I don’t miss church every Sunday. My wife and I show him that we give our tithes and offering cheerfully on a regular basis. Finally, I show my son how much I value the soul of people that’s why I share the gospel regularly, with hope that if he is not yet a child of God, he will say this to himself, "If daddy wants people around him to be saved then maybe it is also important that I be saved".
I have seen how my modeling has affected my son and how it has made me so proud of him. Recently he developed a love for Bible reading. There were several instances that I saw him alone in our room reading and memorizing verses from the Bible. A few weeks back he has asked me to buy him his own real Bible and not like what we've bought him in the past that were more like story books than the real Thing. If it's the Bible he is getting his learning from then that’s something to be very happy about.
Many times, my son, on the middle of the night have seen me on my knees while praying. I've explained to him that the reason why I kneel in prayer is because I want to show God how much I respect His power and how much I acknowledge my helplessness, which is God’s open door to answering my prayers. One evening, I was so tired after a very hectic day. I couldn't pray anymore in my usual way where I am on my knees. And so, I prayed while sitting on our couch. I was alone in our living room when I started praying. While my eyes were closed in prayer, I sensed that my son entered the room. When I opened my eyes after praying, guess what I saw? My son was on his knees praying by the sofa. When he was done, I asked him what he was doing. He wouldn't answer. It was as if he was ashamed that I saw him praying on his knees. If he wanted to impress me, he would have declared right away that he was praying. But because he couldn't say it right away, I believe he was very sincere in his prayer that evening.
Another time, my wife was preparing our tithes and offerings before we went to Sunday worship service. We have been teaching our son to give to the Lord. My wife asked Alen, "Son, how much will you be giving for your offering?" Alen had P500.00 in his wallet at that time which he was able to save from gifts given to him by friends and relatives. Now, you have to understand that with that amount, he could easily buy a toy he likes so much at the nearby mall. We were surprised by his answer. He said "All of it". We asked him if he was sure. He said "Yes" and added that it is to God he is giving it anyway so why be sorry about losing it. We were so proud of our son that’s why after the worship service that day, I gave him P100.00. His grandfather heard about what he did and he also gave him another P100.00.
One thing we always teach our son is to see God us our wealth. One time his playmate asked him, "Are you rich?" This was his answer--- "No we’re not. Actually we’re just renting our home. But our wealth is Jesus." Man! When my father told me about this, it almost made me cry. I felt such fulfillment as a father. Here's my son, only 5 years old then, telling others that with Christ in one's life, you don't need anything anymore. I am left speechless whenever I remember that incident. His playmate, not to be outdone, bragged that his family's wealth is "Mama Mary".
But the thing that makes me so proud of my son is his desire to join us whenever we share the gospel. Because almost everyday, he is with me in the student center we operate and has seen and heard me conduct WOTM seminars, he knows how to share the gospel the way Jesus did. Although there are times that he mixes up the details of the presentation, he knows how to show people their sinfulness using the Law, judgment and our destiny because of our sins, what Jesus has done to save us from going to Hell, and what is required of us to do to have our sins forgiven and gain eternal life in Heaven. He joins us regularly in our street evangelism during Thursdays. There are days when I ask him, "Will you be coming with me to the center?" and he would beg off. But if it's a Thursday you ask him this question, he would tell me, "If it's Thursday, you don't need to ask me anymore if I'm coming because I am." He has witnessed to street children and to teenagers alike. I'm proud of my son because a lot of old Christians in churches today couldn't even overcome the fear of giving out gospel tracts. Before, my dream for him is that someday, he will be a successful doctor, or lawyer, or even a psychologist. But now, I dream of the day when my son will decide to be an evangelist to the unreached people of the regions beyond.
This is how a man can be proud as a father--- by taking the responsibility of leading your children to God and showing them how they can further please God in their lives. This is why I am a proud father. I’m not giving the impression that Alen is a perfect child. He has his own share of childhood misbehaving. What I am saying is that so far, I like what I am seeing. I did it God’s way that's why, so far, I’m successful in my role towards my son. Nothing beats God’s way.
To my son, I'd like to tell you that I love you very much. You don't know it but there are many nights that I lay my hands on you to pray for you, asking God to protect and bless you. During times that you’re down with an illness, God knows of my desire to trade places with you. When I’m away for a speaking engagement, you and your mom are always in my thoughts. I love kissing you. I love hugging you. I love playing with you. I love caring for you. I love loving you. You are a gift from God to me and your mom that’s why we want to take good care of you. We want only the best for you and as far as we know, the best thing that could ever happen to you is to be God's child and to live within the bounds of His supreme will. My life's dream for you is that you live your life for Him, and if needed, die for Him. I pray that God would allow us to live long serving Him together if He will not come back soon. And when I'm all long gone, I hope that you'll take time to read again this article so that you'll remember how proud I and your mom were of you. We love you, my son. 