One of the hardest things in the life of any Christian is hanging on to your faith when everything around you suggests that you should start doubting God. In ministries like Living Waters Asia that exist by faith on a daily basis, the temptation to doubt is a battle I experience on a regular basis. LWA and other Living Waters agencies around the world, although operating under the guidance of Living Waters Publications of Bellflower, California, are independent in many ways, especially in the area of financial resources. Each of us have to raise our own funds so that we can continue on with our work of spreading the Way of the Master principle of evangelism to as many Christian churches as possible, as well as lead as many souls as possible to a life-saving relationship with Jesus Christ. From time to time, the sales of LWP products would significantly help in our operational expenses. But for most of the time, at least for LWA, we have to cry out to God to rescue us from our financial responsibilities.
Many times in the last one year and a half existence of LWA, I have found myself on my knees, crying to God in prayer to provide for our needs. Sometimes, I forget to even pray for my own family’s needs because the time I spend in prayer has been dominated by my prayers for the ministry of LWA. You don’t even need to lecture me anymore about me showing God my helplessness whenever I pray for there is no more pride left in me when it comes to my own ability to rescue LWA from its financial situations. Ever since LWA opened, I am only working part-time in my job as a school administrator, receiving a significant pay-cut, that’s why there is no way for me to be the “savior” of LWA financially. If this is how I pray for LWA’s monthly operational needs, imagine how much kneeling and crying I do for big events we have like our yearly missions trip which we call “The Gospel Buzz” and the recently concluded event, “The Launch” last March 9, 2008.
It’s tiring to be praying with that kind of intensity. I once heard someone say that the strength you lose during an intense prayer session is equivalent to one 24-minute full-court basketball game. I agree. There are nights after a few minutes of intense prayer that I right away go to a very deep sleep as soon as I hit our bed. I’ve also experienced sweating profusely during this kind of praying. Honestly, there are nights when I think twice of going through another of this intense praying after realizing how tired I got the previous night that I prayed. Sometimes my mind asks, “When is this going to end?”
So why is praying tiring? Praying is tiring because you try your best to get through to God amidst the distractions the devil would post so that there will be questions against the sincerity of your prayer. During prayer sessions, the devil would send you inappropriate thoughts or remind you of past sins you’ve committed that you’ve confessed already just so he can make you stop praying. But if you want to get to the throne of God, you will fight through these distractions with all your strength and concentration. But then again, this kind of battle while praying has the ability to sap out whatever strength is left in you, making you consider to stop engaging in this kind of praying. I confess, I’ve considered the thought several times in the past months.
And what more can discourage a person to pray than an unanswered prayer. If tiredness makes a person stop engaging in intense praying, unanswered prayers can make a person abandon praying completely, specially if the prayer item is clearly within God’s will and you’re convinced that God will hear it (1 John 5:14). So many times, this scenario has pulled me down. So many times, because of this, I have questioned if God really called me to be in this ministry. So many times, because of His seeming silence to my prayers, I am pulled down on my knees again in prayer, asking God to help me to continue putting my faith on Him, to help me in my unbelief. Although I get discourage when things I ask God don’t happen, I fear loosing my faith on Him. That will be a sad day when that happens.
These struggles in my faith have again hunted me during the weeks leading to “The Launch”. We organized this event to accomplish two things: (1) to encourage pastors to invite us in their church to do a WOTM seminar and, (2) to challenge financially capable Christians to support us. From the day this event was conceptualized (December 30, 2007) up to a week before “The Launch”, we prayed hard for these purposes to be achieved, especially the 2nd one. I wanted the 2nd one to be achieved so badly because I was hoping that through it, both my wife and I can have our desire to work full-time in LWA realized. Several times, my wife and I were left sick because of the demands of meeting our responsibilities both in our secular jobs and in LWA. And if we are asked to choose which one to concentrate on, without a blink, we will choose LWA. But we know that we have a home to provide for and we don’t want to deny the faith and be worse than an infidel as the Scriptures said if we fail to provide for our son (1 Tim. 5:8). So it was crucial that LWA get enough financial support so that it will be capable of giving us support as well as finance evangelism programs we’ve been desiring to implement for the last two years.
At first, things were going well. When we listed down people we will be inviting, we were encouraged with the people we will be having in our event. In the list were big name pastors in the metropolitan as well as well known Christian businessmen. We researched in the internet where we can send their invitations. For most of the people that we had sent invitations to, there seem to be no reason for them to miss the event. It seems that both our goals would be achieved. But a week before the event, Ptr. Chan (LWA’s Metropolitan Coordinator) and his wife, Raquel, informed us that many of the people that they invited who, at first, confirmed their attendance are now telling them that they may not be able to come. The same was the case with the people we invited on our part. Our morale was fast going down the drain. We were almost going into a big panic… Then God reminded me to pray.
I began to invite Star Youth people in the LWA office to join us in prayer sessions specifically for “The Launch”. In the past two years, SYM people have caught up with my visions for the ministry and have made them their own. So when I told them about the situation, I immediately saw their concern. Please understand that the SYM people are mostly either in their late teens or early 20s. I, their leader in the group, am already 33 years old. But despite my obvious seniority over them, I was amazed at how they were encouraging me not to lose hope, and they were doing it well. I asked them to include our situation with “The Launch” in their personal prayer time, and they committed to it. I believe that they really did pray for it even without me asking them.
In our final group prayer time, the day before the event, we, including my 6 year old son, Alen Daniel, gathered in our ministry office and showed God our faith on Him. Although I directed the items to be prayed for, God was impressing on each of us this thought --- “Even if I don’t give you what you specifically ask for, don’t be downhearted because I will always have something better for you.” And so, our prayer turned from “Lord, please answer these prayers” to “Lord, thy will be done”. After more than 2 hours of praying that morning, we all left the office with renewed confidence on God. We knew that God was in control at all times no matter what the ending maybe.
Probably you are anticipating that we achieved all of our goals during “The Launch” because of the amount of time we spent praying. In terms of us getting invited to churches to do WOTM seminars, our present schedule will tell you “Yes”. Since March 9, we’ve been to already 3 churches doing seminars and one-to-one presentation to pastors. But in terms of LWA getting promises of huge financial support, this is how I’ll answer you --- “If you look at it with human eyes, you can conclude that we failed. But if you look at it with eyes of faith, we’ve already succeeded long before ‘The Launch’ for God has promised us to answer our prayers in ways we haven’t seen before (Jer. 33:3).” I believe that God has on His plans another way of answering our second goal, and when that comes, we’ll clearly know that it was through His hands for it will be some way we will be left speechless in awe. We did not fail just because we did not get what we prayed for. Faith is all about believing in God's ability to answer prayers even if He chooses not to answer your prayer. And if you show God this kind of faith, He will definitely not let you down. He will provide for every need you have. I slept that night with a smile on my face and with a child-like anticipation of what God will do for LWA in the coming months. I’m really excited!
We left the event with smiles on our faces that day. I believe that God had achieved His goal for us in placing in our hearts to organize “The Launch”. Even during the program, God had already impressed to me that His goal for the event was not about us getting commitments for financial support. He was telling me that His goal was for the building of our characters so that we can further glorify Him in our lives and in the ministry of LWA. And that is what we got. We are better Christians now because of our experience during “The Launch”. Why? Because now, we have a clearer understanding of things happening to us for we have learned to look at things with eyes of faith.
Many times in the last one year and a half existence of LWA, I have found myself on my knees, crying to God in prayer to provide for our needs. Sometimes, I forget to even pray for my own family’s needs because the time I spend in prayer has been dominated by my prayers for the ministry of LWA. You don’t even need to lecture me anymore about me showing God my helplessness whenever I pray for there is no more pride left in me when it comes to my own ability to rescue LWA from its financial situations. Ever since LWA opened, I am only working part-time in my job as a school administrator, receiving a significant pay-cut, that’s why there is no way for me to be the “savior” of LWA financially. If this is how I pray for LWA’s monthly operational needs, imagine how much kneeling and crying I do for big events we have like our yearly missions trip which we call “The Gospel Buzz” and the recently concluded event, “The Launch” last March 9, 2008.
It’s tiring to be praying with that kind of intensity. I once heard someone say that the strength you lose during an intense prayer session is equivalent to one 24-minute full-court basketball game. I agree. There are nights after a few minutes of intense prayer that I right away go to a very deep sleep as soon as I hit our bed. I’ve also experienced sweating profusely during this kind of praying. Honestly, there are nights when I think twice of going through another of this intense praying after realizing how tired I got the previous night that I prayed. Sometimes my mind asks, “When is this going to end?”
So why is praying tiring? Praying is tiring because you try your best to get through to God amidst the distractions the devil would post so that there will be questions against the sincerity of your prayer. During prayer sessions, the devil would send you inappropriate thoughts or remind you of past sins you’ve committed that you’ve confessed already just so he can make you stop praying. But if you want to get to the throne of God, you will fight through these distractions with all your strength and concentration. But then again, this kind of battle while praying has the ability to sap out whatever strength is left in you, making you consider to stop engaging in this kind of praying. I confess, I’ve considered the thought several times in the past months.
And what more can discourage a person to pray than an unanswered prayer. If tiredness makes a person stop engaging in intense praying, unanswered prayers can make a person abandon praying completely, specially if the prayer item is clearly within God’s will and you’re convinced that God will hear it (1 John 5:14). So many times, this scenario has pulled me down. So many times, because of this, I have questioned if God really called me to be in this ministry. So many times, because of His seeming silence to my prayers, I am pulled down on my knees again in prayer, asking God to help me to continue putting my faith on Him, to help me in my unbelief. Although I get discourage when things I ask God don’t happen, I fear loosing my faith on Him. That will be a sad day when that happens.
These struggles in my faith have again hunted me during the weeks leading to “The Launch”. We organized this event to accomplish two things: (1) to encourage pastors to invite us in their church to do a WOTM seminar and, (2) to challenge financially capable Christians to support us. From the day this event was conceptualized (December 30, 2007) up to a week before “The Launch”, we prayed hard for these purposes to be achieved, especially the 2nd one. I wanted the 2nd one to be achieved so badly because I was hoping that through it, both my wife and I can have our desire to work full-time in LWA realized. Several times, my wife and I were left sick because of the demands of meeting our responsibilities both in our secular jobs and in LWA. And if we are asked to choose which one to concentrate on, without a blink, we will choose LWA. But we know that we have a home to provide for and we don’t want to deny the faith and be worse than an infidel as the Scriptures said if we fail to provide for our son (1 Tim. 5:8). So it was crucial that LWA get enough financial support so that it will be capable of giving us support as well as finance evangelism programs we’ve been desiring to implement for the last two years.
At first, things were going well. When we listed down people we will be inviting, we were encouraged with the people we will be having in our event. In the list were big name pastors in the metropolitan as well as well known Christian businessmen. We researched in the internet where we can send their invitations. For most of the people that we had sent invitations to, there seem to be no reason for them to miss the event. It seems that both our goals would be achieved. But a week before the event, Ptr. Chan (LWA’s Metropolitan Coordinator) and his wife, Raquel, informed us that many of the people that they invited who, at first, confirmed their attendance are now telling them that they may not be able to come. The same was the case with the people we invited on our part. Our morale was fast going down the drain. We were almost going into a big panic… Then God reminded me to pray.
I began to invite Star Youth people in the LWA office to join us in prayer sessions specifically for “The Launch”. In the past two years, SYM people have caught up with my visions for the ministry and have made them their own. So when I told them about the situation, I immediately saw their concern. Please understand that the SYM people are mostly either in their late teens or early 20s. I, their leader in the group, am already 33 years old. But despite my obvious seniority over them, I was amazed at how they were encouraging me not to lose hope, and they were doing it well. I asked them to include our situation with “The Launch” in their personal prayer time, and they committed to it. I believe that they really did pray for it even without me asking them.
In our final group prayer time, the day before the event, we, including my 6 year old son, Alen Daniel, gathered in our ministry office and showed God our faith on Him. Although I directed the items to be prayed for, God was impressing on each of us this thought --- “Even if I don’t give you what you specifically ask for, don’t be downhearted because I will always have something better for you.” And so, our prayer turned from “Lord, please answer these prayers” to “Lord, thy will be done”. After more than 2 hours of praying that morning, we all left the office with renewed confidence on God. We knew that God was in control at all times no matter what the ending maybe.
Probably you are anticipating that we achieved all of our goals during “The Launch” because of the amount of time we spent praying. In terms of us getting invited to churches to do WOTM seminars, our present schedule will tell you “Yes”. Since March 9, we’ve been to already 3 churches doing seminars and one-to-one presentation to pastors. But in terms of LWA getting promises of huge financial support, this is how I’ll answer you --- “If you look at it with human eyes, you can conclude that we failed. But if you look at it with eyes of faith, we’ve already succeeded long before ‘The Launch’ for God has promised us to answer our prayers in ways we haven’t seen before (Jer. 33:3).” I believe that God has on His plans another way of answering our second goal, and when that comes, we’ll clearly know that it was through His hands for it will be some way we will be left speechless in awe. We did not fail just because we did not get what we prayed for. Faith is all about believing in God's ability to answer prayers even if He chooses not to answer your prayer. And if you show God this kind of faith, He will definitely not let you down. He will provide for every need you have. I slept that night with a smile on my face and with a child-like anticipation of what God will do for LWA in the coming months. I’m really excited!
We left the event with smiles on our faces that day. I believe that God had achieved His goal for us in placing in our hearts to organize “The Launch”. Even during the program, God had already impressed to me that His goal for the event was not about us getting commitments for financial support. He was telling me that His goal was for the building of our characters so that we can further glorify Him in our lives and in the ministry of LWA. And that is what we got. We are better Christians now because of our experience during “The Launch”. Why? Because now, we have a clearer understanding of things happening to us for we have learned to look at things with eyes of faith.
